I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
