She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
