you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
