But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
