I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
