she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
im holly from the hills drunk
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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