What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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