yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
