at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
