Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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