This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Naked. naked and bneed help.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
