I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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