I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
