Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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