I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
