I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
