I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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