this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
