My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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