At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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