My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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