playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
