and you said cock pushups were impossible
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
