In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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