I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
