yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
