allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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