Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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