Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
