your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
