I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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