I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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