I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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