so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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