The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
