if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
