i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So vagazzling was a success
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
