I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
How's work?
Spinning.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
