I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
