i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
