our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
