so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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