We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
