Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
