I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
This is the high leading the old right now
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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