How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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