I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
