You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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