All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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