I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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