I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i was born a porn star she said
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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