There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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