Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
why is half of my head shaved?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
